different...

There are times that I feel so odd.
I feel like I don't fit anywhere with any of my "peer groups."
Woman
Wife
Mother
Actor
Christian
Black
30s

I often feel like we (me and whomever I happen to be with) can relate up to a point, and then it just stops, like there is this abrupt fork in the road, where either our experiences or beliefs or maturity levels move away from one another. And it can be very disconcerting. I don't know if the people I have experienced this fork with, discern the split. I don't know if it is as jarring to them as it is to me. I've never asked.

It's such a subtle, stealthy, shocking feeling. I get caught up in the experience. I pick it up in my mind and turn the moment over in my mind. And, honestly, to acknowledge the split, would feel like a betrayal to the part of the road where we walk together.

I find myself in moments of extreme crisis thinking about how poetic the moment is and locking it away in a box in my mind, filing it away in "this is going in the play/movie/sitcom" file. Then another side of me, is like, "what is wrong with you? why are you thinking about how poetic this is?" But, my artist friends get it.

Then there's the part of me that completely forgets about me and everything is about the hubby and the kids. But there are times when even that gets ridiculous, like, um, go and drink some water if you want some, really, its not a treat, its necessary. Its WATER, NINA.

**sigh**

This is the artistic ebb...time to refill the well.