'What a to-do, "to do" today at a minute or two till two...

T-T-D (always)


pray
make ttd list
coffee
breakfast for kids
lunch for hubby
plan dinner, make sure to defrost whatever
make sure baby's cloth pull ups are washed and dried thoroughly
make sure oldest has a snack & lunch $
pack brief case/bag for the 5 diff places I'm going today
$$ for parking
$$ for gas
get everyone dressed
see oldest off to bus
get younger too fed and in car

breathe...pray again

drop off
take 4 calls on way to first gig
do first gig
second gig
third gig
lunch...not what I wanted...what did I want? Oh yeah, something healthier than what I ate
how did I get caught in a world of turkey sandwiches on wheat bread?? there has to be something more exciting...

have a vision of greatness, write it down, be inspired
oh crap, almost late for meeting, walk in just in time,
everyone else is late, so I feel accomplished, then ashamed that I feel
accomplished because they are late, because this time last year, I would have been 15 minutes late
...breathe, calm down, it really is okay, you have gotten the time thing almost under control

PAY ATTENTION! you're in a meeting. Right, being the glamorous actor that I am...
I need something green...no Nina, a sour apple blow pop does not count.
I don't even really want that anyway...
How did I wind up in the car? Auto pilot...whose calling...I do not have the energy for that conversation right now...sigh

pray again....

breathe

Got another idea...call my cousin, discuss idea, call sister, discuss motherhood and call hubby discuss married life and ideas...call bff, laugh and giggle and, yeah we better get to the gig and sure, call you later and and and....

what am I really going through? the day is half over and the second half seems so big...and I need a BREAK and I'll check my facebook on my nifty phone and HEY! I got the part! YES! and back to reality...(what song was that...1980s...OH YEAH, this one...)

pick up little ones
listen to their day
meet oldest one
check her homework and yes, you can play with friend across the street, in the backyard
so all of the boogie-men who ride up and down the street looking for little girls won't see you

and wow, I remembered to defrost the thing we're gonna eat! Gold star for me! Kids do something incredibly cute that makes life worth living...

hubby gets home (everyone cheers!) Kisses me passionately, (he really does, not making it up) looks at me like he is the luckiest man alive and he is going to sop me up with a biscuit, yeah, still southern after all this time...eat dinner, enjoy company, watch something silly before bed

remember that vision
dream...
dream
dream
give thanks
give thanks
give thanks

repeat.

Waiting out the storm...confession.

I have finally come down a little from all of the initial excitement from the first Ya Mama! Review. and the shout out in the Village Voice, both were dizzying and wonderful. And my family and I have decisions to make based on those dizzying wonderful things...

And that is what I wanted to happen; yay show! And my mind is all a flutter and I feel like I'm detoxing or something....

Oh. yeah. That's what it is; there's a hurricane coming.

Hurricanes, are significant to me, having grown up in New Orleans. Especially now that the New Orleans I know is gone, and has been replaced by this new New Orleans that I have not yet had the courage to visit. Honestly. I haven't been back yet. I'm thinking its about time.

But as I talked with my sister today, who is in New York, ironically, and we went down the list of things she should have in the house, I felt as if I were preparing too, and then felt really odd. And unprepared. I wasn't going to the store. I'm once again not there while its happening. I'm held captive by the images from The Weather Channel and CNN.com. I'm waiting.

Waiting for God to show up and show out. Praying and knowing that my family will be protected. And still waiting with bated breath. I am having a physical reaction to this storm and it is surreal and odd. The sun is shining. But, its almost as if I can't see it. I will my mind to be in the reality of the natural surroundings I am in...Aisha calls on skype. The sky in Manhattan was different from the sky in Brooklyn she says. How so, I ask, it looked like a hurricane was coming, oh yeah, I know what that looks like.

I remember what we used to do before the storms. In the calm before the storm. We would walk. Walk along the levee on Haynes Blvd. New Orleans East, 9th ward. Home.

We would smell the ozone in the air, the promise of the wind and rain, lightning and thunder to come. But what we saw was the calm, Lake Pontchatrain, a sheet of gray blue green glass, rimmed with a blue purple black sky. Not a wave not a ripple. Just a piece of glass. Silence. Air so wet you could drink a cup of water just by inhaling. Calm. Palm trees, soon to be bent, gently rustling in the wind, accepting of what was to come.

I force my mind to the present, Aisha is calling me on skype. My sister, who is in New York, with my nephew and brother in law, and my cousin. Yeah, we're good, she says, he's still sleeping from the walk. He wakes up to nurse. My youngest awakens from her nap, comes downstairs, she sees my face and is upset, perhaps sensing my worry. She wants to nurse. She is weaning, so I usually wouldn't this time of day, but I let her needing the comfort of her trust in my ability to comfort her, and my sister and I share a moment, nursing our babies together. So close, yet so far away. She is worried. I am worried. She will perhaps chant tonight. I will, am praying.

I check twitter, someone is calling on Oya and Yemanja. Another calls out to Christ, yet another is completely oblivious to the worry that is gripping half of the country right now and talks about his "haters" I force my mind to the present. I match my breath to my heart beat and intentionally calm both.

Lord. I am worried. I don't want to worry. Christ calmed the storms with a simple phrase; peace be still. All these things will you do and greater, He said. My mind hurtles forward to my maternal grandmother's house. No longer a part of the family, the house I mean, but a part of a distant memory, a little plaque in the china cabinet, "Worry is like a rocking chair, it'll keep you moving, but won't take you anywhere" Breathe. Peace, be still.

My son, 4, runs over, Mom, he says, as his nimble feet never touch the floor for more than a second at a time, I just won this boomerang game, I got all the points! He holds up his hand for a high five and I reciprocate, "Good job, Man!" I say, and give him my best proud mommy smile.

I realize, I've kept them inside all day, because in my mind, its raining. I look out the window and realize that the sun is shining brightly. Breathe. I am having a physical reaction to what is not happening here. As if I am connected to all hurricanes everywhere. This is ridiculous. "Nina, I'm going back to the store. I'm going to get more candles before the close." Okay, I say, be careful.

Breathe. What's that thing I say in the play? Oh yeah, its one of my favorite lines. I think its poetic...

You learn to live with the storms...Peace. Be Still.

Butterflies are never afraid

So you get an AMAZING review. That is fantastic! How do you continue to make it real every time? How do you make sure that you don't get lazy? How do you make sure that you still give your absolute best?

There are a couple of ways that I make sure it happens: I stay nervous. Honestly, I let myself feel it, and I live there in that feeling of not knowing. In the place of uncertainty, in the place of NEED. I need the audience, especially in this piece. If I don't remember that it is always about them, the audience, then I have failed at the task of this piece--to give the people the information that there is hope, that there is beauty, that there is LIFE, even if there has been pain, and trauma.

I live in the butterflies, and find the wonder in the moment, find the newness of discovery, find the fear, and run headlong into it. As a general rule, the thing that I am afraid of, the place where I am scared to go as an actor, is the place, where I should be. The butterflies have no fear of living in my belly, so I welcome their fluttering wings.

So, hello butterflies, so nice to feel you again. Let's make this one real for the people. They need us as much as we need them.

Our first NYC Review

Our First Review!!! is up and it is simply amazing!

I am extremely humbled by the kind words of our reviewer, proud of the work we've done, and grateful to God for the opportunity to share it with a wider audience.

AND I'M SOOOO EXCITED!!! AHHHHH!

Bigger crowd tonight, very loving, very responsive, amazingly giving. They gave me a standing O, and I had to come out for a second bow. It doesn't get much better than that. :)

FringeNYC days 1&2

Well, well, well, my, my, my...

Sorry, its Sunday, still in church mode. Anyway, here is a brief recap of days 1 & 2 of performances.

opening night... I almost skipped one of the MOST important scenes in the play!!! Okay, so you know that moment in the movies when they show the slow motion run and someone screaming, "nooooooo!" yeah, that's what happened in my head. I recovered and my stage manager assures me that no one knew, except me and the way I managed to recover the scene added an interesting twist, so, no harm, no foul.

The audience was very loving and so connected with me; it was one of those magical nights of being with the audience beat for beat.

Day 2 was better from my end, I didn't almost skip a scene, lol, I got there a little extra early just to settle myself in the space. And the audience SIZE was not good. But the audience ENERGY was amazing, it was only 5 or 6 people, which I was honestly bummed about--I mean who wants to perform to an almost empty house?


But then I remembered, hey there are like 194 shows in the Fringe, and Broadway, and and and ... folks don't know me...YET.

One of the five or six was a critic for nytheatre.com. He went up to my director as I was changing and said, I did hear him, just didn't know who he was, but I heard him say, "She is amazing..." and he said some other stuff I didn't hear. So hopefully, I'll have this amazing review to share in a day or two :).

In the meantime, I'll keep busking outside of other Fringe shows and in the little shops and at Fringe Central, and pounding pavement to get butts in seats! I'm having a blast, and my biggest fan arrives tomorrow, so, it only goes uphill from here. Jonathan is thee best audience member in the world. Seriously, people often say they will pay to have him in the audience. So, I am looking forward to that. :)