Didn't see it coming

...and why didn't I? I just wrote about it yesterday. But as the excitement of this new venture is upon me, all I can think is I WANT MY MOMMY!


Well, that's a little dramatic. It is not constant. But, well this line from the play describes it accurately:

I instantly feel that desert place in my soul,
that heat, parched passion place,
longing for one drop of anything Thelisa.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. It comes and takes me suddenly, swiftly, I'm there, I cry. Its gone. This is all very new for me. But I have given the grief permission to be here. So here it is...Wow. Didn't know it would be like this. I've never grieved before. I am realizing that I have NEVER grieved before. I didn't grieve her, so I didn't know how to grieve anything or anyone.

I had fair warning. I've finally started actually reading the Motherless Mothers book. So, I should have known it was coming. But I didn't. This event, the Fringe that is, is a huge big deal for me. Possibly career and therefore life altering in a wonderful way. Of course I want my mother there to witness it. And she's not. So...

Well. Here we are.